I'm not wearing any pants. Film at 11.

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What Am I Up To?
and other random musings



It's time to make another trip home. I've got a family reunion type thing going on in Charlevoix, but I'll be in Canton for a few days before and after that. Look for me to hit town July 17th!

A few weeks ago there were rumblings about Stephen Strasburg making his pro debut at home against the Pirates. I had never been to Nationals Park and I figured this was a good excuse to get out there. They hadn't officially announced he'd be pitching, but I figured we should get tickets and if he didn't end up going that day, what the hell, we got to go out and see the Park. About a week after we bought the tickets, it was announced Strasburg would indeed be starting that game. D.C. went nuts and the game did not take long to sell out. We gambled and won! People were calling it Strasmas and we had some nice seats along the first base line on club level. Early on it looked like we might have a disappointing night as the phenom was having trouble throwing strikes. Many in the crowd started booing, but he retired the first two batters. Then came his first strikeout to end the inning and people were going nuts. By the time Strasburg struck out the side in the 7th inning to end his night with 14 K's the crowd was going absolutely bananas. The bullpen closed it out and the kid got his first win. It really was a perfect night of baseball. The weather couldn't have been any more beautiful and it was great to be a part of an event like that that didn't disappoint. Who would have thought that he would have lived up to the expectations and maybe even bettered them? If he goes on to a Hall of Fame career I can say I was there when it all started. Much different than the time I went to see Roger Clemens go for his 300th win only to see the Yankees piss away the lead (Jeter made 2 errors in 1 inning!), then go on to win in extra innings against the Tigers. David Wells got the win in that one, not Clemens.

I love the World Cup, but one thing irks me...the ball. Every 4 years Adidas rolls out a new state of the art soccer ball and every time the players bitch about it. I am fully aware of the nuances they claim different balls have. Some are easier to bend, some fly true, while others have more wobble. But in the end, it's a soccer ball. Can they really be all THAT different? Which leads to the questions, Does Adidas need to fuck with the design so often? Or are the players going to bitch about it no matter what? Don't they involve players in the design process? And is the biggest tournament on Earth really the best time to be introducing a new ball? Maybe the quality of the games would be even better if the players were really used to the ball. The funny thing about this quadrennial controversy is that you hear about it a lot leading up the Cup, but once the tourney starts, you don't seem to hear too much about it anymore.









This Week's Gameball Goes To:
The Duerr family cousins


I'm still shocked all 11 members of our generation and all of their spouses and kids made it to Charlevoix last week. They literally came from all corners of the country. Funerals haven't been able to accomplish this and either have weddings, but "Cousins Week" did it. It was good to see everyone and catch up and I'm glad I made it as well as everyone else.

The Chris Brown Douchebag of the Week Award Goes To:
Dez Bryant

I've been out of the loop this week so I'm sure there was bigger doucebaggery going on, but Dez Bryant refusing to carry shoulder pads at practice is pretty lame. Who does he think he is? Every single player in the NFL was hazed in some fashion as a rookie and carrying shoulder pads is about as benign a hazing activity as there is. Be a decent guy and carry the damn pads and laugh about it. I'm sure you're going to have plenty of other things to bitch about in your career Dez. A douchebag always does and I have a feeling we're seeing the beginnings of another NFL diva receiver. Which would only fuel my hatred of the Cowboys.




Hot Chick of the Week:
Ursula Mayes






















Good Shit/Bad Shit

Ben & Jerry's Cinnamon Buns Ice Cream - GOOD SHIT
Reese's Peanut Butter Cups with Marshmallow - BAD SHIT
Starbucks Cinnamon Dolce Latte - GOOD SHIT
3 Musketeers Dark Chocolate Mint Candy Bar - GOOD SHIT
McDonald's Chipotle Chicken Wrap - BAD SHIT
Gingerbread Yogurt - BAD SHIT
Gingerbread Lattes - GOOD SHIT
Edy's Cheesecake Diva Ice Cream - BAD SHIT
Hershey's New York Cheesecake Kisses - GOOD SHIT
Ben & Jerry's Cake Batter Ice Cream - BAD SHIT
Ben & Jerry's ONE Cheesecake Brownie Ice Cream - BAD SHIT
Sunkist Orange Cream Float - BAD SHIT
Spicy Sweet Chili Doritos - GOOD SHIT
Mint Crisp M&M's - GOOD SHIT
Tiger Woods Cool Fusion Gatorade - BAD SHIT
Chocolate Chex - GOOD SHIT
Wendy's Milkshakes - GOOD SHIT
Mountain Dew SuperNova - GOOD SHIT
Tiger Woods Red Drive Gatorade - BAD SHIT
Newman's Tequila Lime Salsa - GOOD SHIT
M & M's Premiums - BAD SHIT
Cinnabon Cinnamon Crunch Cereal - BAD SHIT
Papa John's Whole Wheat Crust & Breadsticks - BAD SHIT
McDonald's Southern Style Chicken Sandwich - BAD SHIT
Starbucks Salted Caramel Hot Chocolate - GOOD SHIT
Hershey's Hot Cocoa Kisses - GOOD SHIT
Hershey's Candy Cane Kisses - BAD SHIT
Ben & Jerry's Goodbye Yellow Brickle Road - GOOD SHIT
Orange Cream Pop Tarts - BAD SHIT
McDonald's Caramel Shakes - GOOD SHIT
Michelob Ultra Lime Cactus - BAD SHIT
Coconut M & M's - GOOD SHIT
Strawberried Peanut Butter M&M's - BAD SHIT
Ben & Jerry's Key Lime Pie - BAD SHIT
Ben & Jerry's Ginger Snap Ice Cream - GOOD SHIT
Taco Bell Blackjack Tacos - GOOD SHIT
Trader Joe's Maple Leaf Cookies - GOOD SHIT
Burger King Cupcake Shake - BAD SHIT
McDonald's Apple Pie Shake - GOOD SHIT
Ben & Jerry's Milk & Cookies Ice Cream - GOOD SHIT













PAST MOVIE REVIEWS:
Away We Go - 4 stars
Sugar - 4 stars
Food, Inc. - 3 stars
Inglorious Basterds - 3 and a half stars
Shutter Island - 3 stars
Big Fan - 3 stars
Date Night - 3 stars
Kick Ass - 4 stars
Daybreakers - 3 stars
Up In The Air - 3 stars





Duerr's Webpage
Go Fuck Yourself!





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This Just In...

I was never a Thor fan, but I've been a Natalie Portman fan for a long time, so I'm conflicted when it comes to the Thor movie.

Steve Carell is the latest celebrity to be interviewed Between Two Ferns.

Top 10 Funniest Star Wars pictures?

Leave it to the Icelanders to come up with elaborate goal celebrations.

The 5 Grossest Stadiums include Ford Field and Verizon Center! Sweet!

In case you needed another reason to make fun of "The Situation" here's a sweet family turtleneck photo...


Season 5 of Dexter premieres Sept. 26th and here's the trailer. Don't watch this if you haven't seen Season 4 yet! Definite spoilers included.

Who invited her?

Check out the first (and last?) episode of Wheelchair Cat: Trust Fun Kitty.

We've seen the first trailer for Machete, now here's the REAL Machete Trailer.

It's bad enough this cat looks like Wilford Brimley. You gotta put a wig and a dress on him too?

Get a Celestial Soul Portrait and become awesome.

Best Penalty Shot Ever? I'll bet his coach said something like, "Nice shot Calvente. Don't ever fucking do that again."

An inside look at the bro on bro love for profit business

This pug sings better than Justin Bieber.

Peet reads an interesting email and gives an appropriate response.

Steve Carell has a very important announcement to make on ESPN.

Chuck Liddell (and little Chuck) star in The Way of the Brisk: The Untold Story.

Finish Him! With a 7 pound dildo!

You knew this was coming... Christian Bale vs Mel Gibson.

It's possible that Mel Gibson may be fuckin' nuts!

In America something like this would be scandalous. In other countries it's nothing but swift justice.

We finally have audio of Mel Gibsons' latest rant.

Have you heard about that octopus that is picking all the World Cup winners? Now you can have your very own psychic octopus.

The Kitteh World Cup is every bit as exciting as the real thing.

I don't know what this dude is talking about, but apparently you won't be struttin' that ass anymore.

It's a 4th of July tradition around here... America! Fuck Yeah!

The Top 10 Offensive Mel Gibson Quotes are comedy gold.

If you ever find yourself near a baby shark keep your fingers away from its mouth and for gods sake do not make a noise like this.

I used to have a pet AT-AT.

You better practice safe digit sex or else you'll end up with finger babies.

I'm really not sure how I feel about The Green Hornet Starring Seth Rogen.

This is by far the best episode of Star Trek I've ever seen.

The Most Anticipated Movies of 2011

Check out the trailer for, Wax On, Fuck Off starring Ralph Macchio.

The season finale of Criminal Minds is on! Who cares about some stupid ass tornado?!!!

Believe it or not, there is a right way to insert a Hershey's Kiss into your rectum.

President Obama wants to make eating da poo poo legal in Uganda!

Where do you get the balls?!!! Fast Eddie's Nard Yard!

Whoever is doing the news scroll for Channel 12 is awesome.

I finally figured out where to get a Dick Towel. It even has it's own song!

Breaking News: Some Bullshit Happening Somewhere

Zoobooks! OMG!

Good acting is all about subtext.

"Keep fucking that chicken." Sound advice from your local newscaster.

shitmydadsays is the first good use of Twitter I've seen.

Get your movie reviews in a fucking hurry.

There's only one kind of porn you can't find on the internet and here is a song about it.

Dance Floor Dale makes me laugh.

Forget the Snuggie. What you really need is the What The Fuck Blanket.

Clucking is what you get when you combine climbing and you know what.


REVIEWS
Check out what I've been watching, listening to, and reading lately...

MOVIES
Iron Man 2 - 3 out of 5 stars
This is a weak 3 stars. Based on how disappointed I was, I would have rated it lower, but Iron Man is one of my favorite superheroes and Robert Downey, Jr. does do a good job of playing Tony Stark/Iron Man. Mickey Rourke is quite good as the villian Whiplash too. And Don Cheadle does a good job stepping into Terrence Howard's role of Rhodey/War Machine. You know who sucks though? Scarlett Johansen. Her acting sucks in this movie and her character is useless other than the fact that they are trying to set the table for the Avengers movie in 2 years. Which leads me to a big problem I have with this movie...Is it an Iron Man movie or a trailer for coming attractions like the Avengers movie? Cut out that shit and this a better movie. You know what else should have been cut? Most of John Favreau's scenes. He's the director and he put himself in way too much of this movie. I want to see Iron Man, not his chaffeur. My last complaint about the movie is that it was too campy. Favreau tries too hard to get laughs in this one and to keep a PG-13 rating. Justin Hammer, Stark's "rival" is a complete moron! How would a moron like that have his own defense company with a U.S. military contract? There's no way. You know there will be a part 3, so let's hope it focuses more on a cool villian and some serious Iron Man & War Machine ass kicking action scenes. If you really liked the first Iron Man, you have to see this even though you'll be disappointed, but I'd tell anyone else not to waste their time.




MUSIC
Plastic Beach by Gorillaz - 4 out of 5 stars
As is the case with the Gorillaz previous discs, several songs on this one are useless, but throw those out and you have some great stuff here. There are tons of guest appearances on here. My favorite is Lou Reed. If you like what the Gorillaz do at all you should get this one. I'd have to go back and give the others a thorough listen, but right now I'm thinking this is their best yet.




5 Songs To Download:
The Weekenders by The Hold Steady
Fly Scientist by Drake & Coldplay
Wasted Daylight by Stars
Skinny Little Bitch by Hole
Love Lost by The Temper Trap


BOOKS
Eating The Dinosaur by Chuck Klosterman - 3 and a half out of 5 stars
If you know Chuck Klosterman, this is typical Chuck Klosterman, although it's more random essays concerning how good or bad Ralph Sampson was or how genuine Kurt Cobain's self loathing was then it is his interviews and stories about celebrities. Sometimes it gets a bit too minute and trivial, but all in all it's an entertaining read that kind of makes you use your brain. Being a sports fan AND a music fan may be a prerequisite for understanding much of the content so be aware of that.


TV
WATCH:

Party Down on Starz
Not sure when new episodes air, but this is a funny ass show!